Lost Without You
by xeternalbutterfly
Summary: The Dalai Lama once said that "Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive."  Yeah, well, I know exactly how that feels. A darker take on New Moon. Canon. BxE
1. Forever and Almost Always

"_Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive." – Dalai Lama_

Our parents shelter us from the troubles of the real world, so we end up growing in a perfect environment. So when something horrible – so strange in its form – occurs, we can't properly deal with it, because we simply don't know _how. _And our perfect world ceases to exist.

Waking up in the mornings would have to be number one on my list of "Things I hate to do". First there is that feeling of irritation; the feeling where you resent whatever it is that woke you up. After the feeling of resentment passes, you start to realise that you have to get up, possibly within the next 5 minutes, if you want to arrive at school on time. Lastly, you realise that you have to attend yet another day of school.

I gingerly peeled of my covers, hissing as I felt the cool air hit my bare arms. Grabbing the set of clothes I had already laid out the day before, I headed to the bathroom. I took a quick shower, changed into my clothes and headed downstairs. I took my phone off the counter and saw that I had two unread messages.

_Morning beautiful. _

_How are you feeling?_

_Jake_

To an outsider, this message would not have sparked any interest and they would not have read anything into it. However, I saw through his message, and knew that he was really asking _"How is the Edward situation? Feeling well enough to go to school? If not, I could skip and we could hang out..."_

_Edward._

My chest gave a painful tug; even thinking his name still hurt.

The moment of pain dissipated after a while, and I started to text my reply.

_Hey Jake._

_I'm alright, thanks. Wanna hang out later this week?_

_Bella_

I then checked my other message.

_Hey Bella,_

_Feel like watching a movie this Saturday? I've got nothing to do, shocking, I know, and we haven't done anything in a while. _

_Jess_

I pondered for a while; it would be fun to hang out with Jess, after all, I hadn't seen her much lately, due to her relationship with Mike. I told her I'd go, and that she could choose whatever movie; I really didn't mind.

I set my phone down and walked to the sink to rinse out my bowl and spoon. As soon as I was done, I received another text message from Jake.

_Sure! _

_Got anything planned for this weekend? We should do something then. _

_Jake_

I replied, telling him I was going to be busy on Saturday, but that we should do something on Sunday. I stuffed my phone into my bag, grabbed my keys, then headed out the door.

I drove to school, parked my truck, and then headed straight to my first period class, as I knew that the bell would be going soon. I settled into my seat and prepared myself for another boring Biology lecture.

It was at times like these when my thought would drift. I would think about my past, and then that would make me think of my future. I'd think about the day _he _left, that cold and wet day, where the forest was silent and the birds seemed to be non-existent. I would mull over what he said, trying to find some shred of hope to hold onto; something which said 'I do still love you. I will come back'.

Although this happened 4 months ago, I still can't help but remember every detail. The way his hair looked tousled and messy, as if he had been running his hands through it multiple times, or the finer details, like how his eyes were black, but blazing fire underneath the surface.

Jake helps me cope; when I'm with him, I forget about these finer details, I forget about Edward. I forget that he used to be the main part of my life. But once Jake leaves, it all comes back.

The bell sounds, bringing me out of my inner thoughts. I pack up, almost robotically, and leave; my thoughts still jumbled up by reliving the past in my mind.

Second period was English with Mr Jose. We were studying Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen; while I do enjoy her works, I must admit I do not like Pride and Prejudice, at all. We basically just watched the film adaptation for the duration of the lesson, and before I knew it, it was lunch.

I purchased a sandwich and then walked over to my group of friends. They were discussing an upcoming trip to La Push.

"Bella! Are you coming?" Angela asked, excitedly.

"Uh, surfboards and me don't match well..."

"You don't have to surf, Bella. Most of the girls will be on the beach, checking out the hot guys," Jessica replied, giving Mike a wink.

"Maybe. When are you all going?" I asked, somewhat interested.

"Sunday, the sun's supposed to make an appearance," Eric said, with a slight grin on his face.

Ah crud. I was supposed to hang out with Jake this Sunday. Well, I could invite him, I guess.

"Would it be okay if I invited someone?"

Mike and Jessica shared a short glance, which they thought I didn't see, before Mike replied.

"Sure, not too many though."

"Alright, sounds good."

At dinner that night, Charlie was in an unexplainable mood.

The first thing he said when he sat down was "How's Jake?"

"Good, I guess," I replied, slightly confused.

"He really cares about you, Bells, he's good for you."

"I know," I said simply. I knew I was lucky to have Jake. If he hadn't been around, I don't know what I would have become. I shuddered internally.

"So...?"

"What?"

"Well, are you more than friends?" He asked, straight to the point.

"I guess we're best friends?"

"You know that's not what I mean, Bells," He said, slight annoyance evident on his features. He was so easy to read.

I sighed; I really didn't want to discuss this. I wasn't ready.

"Dad, really? Are we having this discussion? Can't you just let me move at my own pace and explain things when I want to?" I asked.

"Fine," He dropped the subject. I was grateful for this characteristic of his; he never pushed too far, he knew when to stop.

That night, before climbing into bed, I thought I saw an outline of a body on my balcony. Curious, I walked slowly towards it. At that time, I didn't feel that I was in any danger, so I didn't think of grabbing a weapon of any sort. As I got closer, I noticed that it was a male, of about six feet, and the moonlight seemed to reflect off his skin. I held my breath, not believing what I was seeing.

"Edward?" I breathed out.

**A.N. R&R my lovelies.**


	2. Flashback

I blinked, and just like that, he was gone. I ran onto my balcony, head darting side to side, trying to find him again.

"Edward?" I called a little louder, "I know you're there..."

No response.

I realised then that I was being stupid; there was no way Edward would be in Forks, let alone my balcony. The last time he was in Forks was four months ago... no one had seen him since. Well, no one in Forks, at least.

Feeling disappointed and somewhat muddled, I returned to my bedroom. I settled into bed and prepared myself for another restless night.

**Saturday**

Jessica was her usual chatty self, so I hardly had to add anything to keep the conversation flowing. She was rambling on about something that Mike did, and how she thought they were about to take 'the next step'. So since she was being incredibly vague and I had no idea what this step was, I asked her.

Her jaw dropped to the ground... metaphorically of course.

"Are you serious?" She asked in disbelief.

I nodded.

"Didn't you ever, you know... with him?" She emphasized the 'him'.

I suddenly understood.

"No, we weren't like that."

"What do you mean 'like that'? All teenagers are the same, Bella," She explained, as if everyone knew this except me.

_Except Edward isn't a teenager._

We then arrived at the theatres. We decided to watch a romantic comedy; I wasn't too sure I wanted to, but Jessica seemed keen, so I agreed.

* * *

The movie was a waste of time. Well, that was probably an understatement. It was full of cliché's and bad acting. However, Jessica couldn't stop gushing about the main guy, and how hot he was. The main actor's looks were incomparable to _his _though.

After the movie, we drove to a little restaurant which was situated in Port Angeles. I ordered mushroom ravioli, and Jess, being Jess, ordered a salad – without dressing.

We made small talk, and after dinner, we parted ways to head to our respective cars.

When I was about 100 metres away, I noticed a figure leaning on the side of my car. Since it was dark and there were no street lights, I couldn't make out who it was, or anything about the person. I walked closer, hesitantly, much slower than before. My heart pounded in my chest, and blood rushed through my veins.

I glanced around at my surroundings, wondering if anyone was around. But, of course, there was no one nearby and most of the shops were closed.

When I looked back to my car, there was no one there...

I just couldn't make sense of the situation; where did the person go? And why were they leaning against my car in the first place?

Could it have been Edward? It would be just like him to do something like that. He would've said something like "I was protecting you..."

As soon as my thoughts took a turn towards him, I immediately backpedalled. I would _not _allow myself to hope. Hope just sets a person up for disappointment.

But, as I was driving home, I couldn't help but consider the possibility. He was possibility number one. If it wasn't him, it could have just been a random person who wanted to freak the heck out of me – but that theory didn't seem likely.

I got out of my car and walked up to my front door in a daze. Upon opening the door, I was greeted by Charlie.

"Hey Bells. How was it?"

"Good," I replied automatically, and turned to head up the stairs to my room.

As soon as I set foot into my room, I realised that this was the second time I saw something which may or may not have actually been there. I decided then and there to keep a journal about this, so that I could keep track of whatever was happening.

Grabbing an empty notebook from my drawer, I started to recount my first vision.

**A.N. Reviews are appreciated; I like feedback. **


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